As my fellow followers and visitors...I dont think Im allowing you guys to really get to know me. I talked a friend recently and this is how it went:

I attempted to intiate the conversation with "Hey buddy".

She replied "Im not your buddy"

"Damn Why"

"Cause I dont feel like I know you"

"Why is that...I talk ALL the fuckin time..I thought."

"Yeah but you only speak logic and help me with advice...you never really talk about yourself and your past"

". . .Damn. You got a point"

. . .This opened my eyes. I never really blab about past causeI dont feeel the need to. I usually feel sefl centered when I do, so I save it. In an attempt to get closer to my followers...I share one of my essays that expoited a very bad experience for me...If you're interested ...enjoy!!!...But know its quite extensive.

“Debunking” is a term used in the sociological arena. It means to question the things taken for granted in society and to become an “outsider within”. Let’s say you were a parent of a toddler. On one particular day you decide to dress him in his favorite accessories; his blue power ranger watch and his iron necklace. You know that the metallurgy of his necklace attracts electricity but you still decide to go do some last minute shopping on a very stormy day. Unexpectedly a bolt of lightning strikes your child and takes the life out of it. Would you now view lightening different as you did before? Sociologists have noted that most times in society, debunking has massive impacts on citizens’ perspectives. This can change one’s outlook on everything from choosing a color to choosing a culture. Unfortunately, most times it takes inconvenient incidents to occur in order for most people to "debunk” society. Sadly, that’s what it took for me.

On an early November night I received an unexpected phone call from an old friend from my math class two years ago. We spoke briefly about her extensively bottled in emotions. She admitted that something compelled her that night to share that she has had a crush on me for quite some time. Although I didn’t waste the opportunity to share with her that the feeling was mutual, I did neglect to share my motives.

Shanira was one of a rare breed of females that possessed goddess-like curves and a tar-like complexion. To me, she was synonymous to a black diamond in comparison to the white diamond.. Her curves were much like those of Meagan Good. Her smile was as illustrious as Alicia Key’s. She spoke with more seduction than the voice of Beyonce’ but possessed a skin complexion like Kelly Rowland. I could watch the sun blow up into a million tiny stars and not of one of those stars would match up to the glow this girl had when she entered my presence. The value of her rareness appealed to me strongly.

Shanira and I dated for months and we became very involved sexually. On one particular night towards the end of November, we shared a very intimate intercourse. Afterwards we decided to cuddle a while to meditate on the value of each other’s affection. Surprisingly, her phone kept vibrating. Noticing that it was the third hour into a fresh morning, I became leery. I removed myself from the position I was in and made it my mission to corroborate my suspicion. It was then I opened her phone while she insisted in the background that "there was nothing in there to see". Sadly she was wrong.

"When I can beat it down again?" was the first message I saw in her inbox. As I investigated further I found that Shanira and this guy, Brion, had been sharing messages and affection between each other for a few weeks. I felt betrayed, used and worthless. I wanted to run to my mother but I didn’t want to watch her attempt to hide her feelings of disgrace. I wanted to get some advice from my homeboys but I didn’t want to listen to the deep sigh followed by the inevitable, “Damn Jeff…” At one point I wanted to laugh it off, but I hate fake smiles. I began to cry but my pride wouldn’t allow me to feel conquered. To counter that I had an urge to call her a deceitful bitch, but I respect women more than that. So instead of choosing an action that I would later regret, I stormed out of the house silently. This female was no longer worthy of my respect or commitment. I couldn’t estimate the amount of integrity this female possessed anymore, but I could measure the amount of respect she had for our relationship. We shared many good times but I refused to talk with her for as long as I could. I didn’t feel the need to speak with anyone who didn’t respect me.

Ironically I found myself conversing with her on a later date. She called me around the time of 7 pm on a Wednesday evening towards the end of December. I was just getting out of track practice, so my mind was motored on the anticipation of enjoying the comfort of my bed. With that, I didn’t have the intransigence to ignore her call. I answered her call and recognized from the tone of her voice that this was not an effort to apologize. This call was to inform me.

She shared with me that she was showing symptoms of a pregnant woman. I politely offered my condolences. Then I suggested her to invest in a pregnancy test. In opposition, she was persistent with implying that the disputably forthcoming baby was mine. My first thought was that she has had many partners and there was no way this child could be mine. I was quickly convinced to think otherwise when I recognized what I was about to do. If I had ignorantly shunned the chance of fatherhood, I would have just been another black male in this society who has neglected his patriarchal responsibilities. So I pledged my time to go with her while she got tested for pregnancy but more importantly, tested for the possibility of my fatherhood.

While sitting in the waiting lounge of Grady Hospital, many emotions converged to produce an awkward feeling that was hard to conceal. First I felt great. I was about to be a father. Then I became scared, because how would I support this child financially. Next I had an urge to shoot for the door, but I couldn’t live the rest of my life feeling like a coward. My last thought brought me back to my first thought when I envisaged me producing this world’s next impactful leader. From an outsider’s perspective, the way I kept fidgeting in my seat you would think I had the Turrets Syndrome.

When the results came back, I was fortunate to find out that she was only sick. I found that ironic because I was sick too. I was sickened by her lying, ailing from her deceiving ways and most of all, debilitated by her manipulation. Shanira changed my perspective of sex. No longer did I view it as a casual expression of temporary emotion, but rather an act of sacramental engagement.

Once you engage in an act of sex with someone you have put yourself in a state of vulnerability. You have just jeopardized your privacy, dignity, and respect for a chance to strengthen and extend a bond with an individual. After the acknowledging of the true consequences of sex, I decided that girls shouldn't be prized for their incentives but rather their intelligence. They shouldn't be appealed to you by the curves of their bodies but maybe the creativity in the conversations you share. From this experience, I’ve found a new respect for women and since then, I’ve remained abstinent.

Sex is important

In contradiction to the above post, sex is important. I use to think that sex wasn't a neccessity to life. True enough it is. Whether your are experienced or not, you either wonder what it feels like or want the pleasure to a certain extent. Erradicating your curiosity and want (for lack of vocab.) takes stress and pressure off of your mind and you will feel liberated. You have other problems to worry about like school, perpetual development and surving in this fucked up world we live in.

Now who you do it with and how frequent you do it is where the problem lies. I feel like everyone should just have one legit, trustworthy partner; a person you can have sex with, release your bottled in expressions, and think nothing of it the next day (or do so if you please). You and this person should take it moderately though....dont become hooked on sex and regret it again and put your self in a sexual confinement becuase you cant control yourself. (Trust me, I know something about that)

I got some stuff on my chest...hair! lol..no really Im mad

Just. . . .rambling. Just sitting here thinking about a bunch of bullshit I think is really fucked, but i hold my peace on.

1. Don't you hate when you pass someone walking on the street they look at you out of their peripheral vision but still neglect to speak? How cowardly!! How much would it hurt to look me in the eyes and say "how are you doing?" When you look away and act like you dnt see me constitutes two thoughts in my head...

1. You're too narcissistic. You think every dude you encounter wants a peice of you. I dont...I promise. Actually I believe if you live through me vicariously then your narcissism strengthen. =P
   
   
   
2. Youre too much of a freaking coward. I was ready to speak to you and you werent. HA HA you lose! You just boosted my confidence ....loser.

2. I am so sick of seeing potentially nice Polo outfits be worn like ecko. The "Ralph Lauren" brand was meant to be worn with class and a sauntering stroll; not sagg and a waddling effort to keep your pants up. Come on guys, please do better.

3. I am getting fed up with the way Obama is STILL getting disrepected directly and indirectly by politicians. I understand thats politics, but what burns me up on the inside is that most of the times its true! Did any body catch what Hugo Chavez said on the first day of the G20 summit? He said there were "two Obamas". One who stands for world peace and one still funding weaponry and new military bases. That makes me happy that Iran got caught up...cuz that would have been the talk of CNN for some while. come on Obama, youre black!! There watching you meticulously!!

4. I hate how in the business world we cant stand of. I understand the concept of it, but when is America going to respect creativity a little more.

5. The song "Successful" by Drake and Trey Songz is playing in the back and I realize how screwed this song is. "I want the money; money and the cars; cars and the clothes...the hoes. I suppose...I just wanna be successful"....What kinda shit is that!!! how dare you use the power of media and your creativity to brainwash our youth. Dammit were too materialistic as we speak! Success is defined by how much an impact you leave on this earth when you leave. Not by how many bank accounts, car notes, articles of clothing, and "baby mamas" you've left. Great freak in job Drake!! I thought you were better than that. ...hell you had me brainwashed for a second too. Really clever way of fuckin up our society... Canadian version of Bush!!

6. I hate how I work so damn hard in my classes that I over work. I have quite a bit at stake here and I know I cannot fail. My high school didn't prepare me well, So I'm just trying to make the best out of what i have. But...i continue to get cs and fs...I hate those two letters!

7. "Fuck you" I how I address alot of things that arent really funny. i should get better at that.

8. Am I the only one that has noticed that standing out...is the new fitting in? I remember the days where everyone looked uniform in a huge white tee was cool. i remember everyone wearing the same color teeth to be cool. I remember everyone wearing too big pants...AND STILL SAGGING TO BE COOL! It started with the dreads. when you had dreads 10 years ago...you stood out. 4 years later if you had dreads, you were perceived to be a hoodlum;which is cool in my neck of da woods. Then came "rockstar". Party like a rockstar. Then mohawks and "Black boy white boy". UGH!! Its like, people should come up with some lingo or style get it trademarked, make it known that it is a trademark(legally) and sue any body that copies them. That way, the person would have to get a confirmation mark to copy you. and you wanna know whats beautiful about that? They have to come to you to get it! =D This paradigm of "Innovate so others can emulate" sucks to me....it makes it hard for people like myself who never follow the crowd. Cuz the crowd is following us and fighting to get to the front...Just eat my dust!!

9.I don't like how I can see right through people most times...It really takes the fun outta life. I can honestly create an imagery of that person and what kind of background they have from just 5 secs of analyzing...its crazy...but can get boring. =(

10. I hate how I reead alot, know all the secrets, but still fall subject to the "latent functions" of creative capitalism. Marketers are very smart...and manipulative. I just wish I woudl be as smart as I am sometimes lol

11. . . i hate how I ran outta bull to speak on... I guess I could never be a talk show host huh....ah welp!! lol ... Ill write more books then =D....ttyl blog world

Josh...this one's for you bro!

Recently one of my good brothers up here at Morehouse College decded to join the Blog World and he has a solid blog already! Unfortunately I couldnt leave my comment on his page due to measurements or what not so I decided to put it here. You guys should check out hit new blog...just click ......HERE!

Here is the link to his post that Im replying to.

Ironically I found myself dong a similiar study this summer but asking the same question. We came to the same conclusion that true success is measured by the impact you leave on this world after you are gone (hence why you were finding MLK and Malcom X in the beggining) and the purpose in life is to bring others to success also. The problem that many have is that they limit their success inattentively. It comes down to a situation where something seems so arduous that it seems highly improbable or even impossible. Recently I found out that yeah "with out no struggle thers no progress" but even further if your not pushed out of your comfort zone then advancement will not be attained. Think about football. If Jerry Rice didnt take the time to do all those extra practices and insane workouts, he would have ever reached his point of preponderance that his stills sustains today.

What many dont recognized is that struggle can be managed and facilitated. All you have to do is step up in other departments (Time management and decision making are big ones) and struggle wont seem that much of a struggle anymore. BUT that struggle should be cherished becuase its that struggle that just made you that much better in your craft. Once you get so good at your craft, you lead others into being better than you. Then thats when your success and purpose in life begin to become revealed to you. I define the two like this:

"Whatever you do, do it so well that no man dead, living, or yet to be born can do it better." ~I dont remember lol


Great Start Bro!!

Any many miny mo. . .

Ive come to a recent realization. This may just be a zeitgeist or it may an inattentivelysustained fact. I find myself surrounded by beautiful women here at the AUC constantly...and i never approach the most gorgeous ones. Scared? . . maybe. But I know my charisma usually makes up for any of my inconsistencies. Ive noticed that I always approach the descent looking friend (usually in the range of 7-9) rather than the one who's bad...and knows shes bad (10). . . .here's what i think

Scenario: I'm walking down the "strip" in my classy clothes. Pastel shirt, comfortable slacks and a bow tie to bring it all together. As I saunter down above the uniquely amalgamated bricks that serve as a walkway for the AUC students I come across two beautiful young ladies. Most times I just say "you ladies look nice. Have a great day" and keep it moving. But this time it was different. I felt the need to converse with one and gain sometime of confidence for the week by challenging myself to talk with these two females at the same time and sustain their interest. I speak to the 10 first just to let her know that I know shes cute but shes not in my game plan. I always speak to the target last - just to build somewhat of a slight anticipation of my greeting. So I ask the 8 her name and continue to try to build a friendship. we exchange numbers and blah blah blah

Epiphany:

I'm one who's more interested in the creativity in a conversation rather than the curves in a cute outfit. I honestly feel uncomfortable around people who are more materialistic rather than morally sound. There is way more to life than just buy this then buy that (even tho I do it). I always feel like I must be ostentatious to make them comfortable around me, which will in turn make me comfortable. But why should I have to do that when I'm comfortable with who I am now.

the reason I am writing this is becuase one of my friends got a bit upset when I shunned his request to converse with two seemingly shallow females who only cared about the price of his new shoes. . . Hell I never go over 90 for mines so she prob wont give me the time of the day any how. Maybe I shouldn't have judged those females by there "cover" but when you come from a certain subculture, it gets pretty easy to distinguish what certain females are about by their walk, talk, clothing, and posture. I'm no female analyst, but I may as well should be one. Ill have a general premeditated story about a female before I even converse with them. When I get to know them more, my stories are 90% of the time in correlation to their true background. . . .

P.S. I think one of the people I'm following blogged about how dudes do this this a few weeks ago. I love this Blog family...keep up the enlightening works guys!

Its all a mind game!

During the first few weeks that i arrived here, I jumped on a party promotion team, "The Unit". I saw it as a way for me sharpen my marketing skills while prepping for the business world. I was completely ostentatious in order to have success in this field. I felt like I had to completely come out of my element to prosper as an incumbent of this organiztion. (Charles Darwin: Survival of the Fittest ...right?) Yep I said incumbent! They made me "CEO of Freshman Class" right off the back! That showed me that they were weak, but I took this as an another opportunity to to sharpen up my managerial skills.

Whilst working hard to throw the wildest and craziest parties, I began to notice that marketers have to be innate sociologist and an in depth psychologists. Firstly they must know the culture of the group they are targeting. They must find out what do that culture has and what do they dream of possessing. (Key thing) Once they have that, they can develop a tactic. . .which is selling the culture the dream. They go more into detail about what certain instances that could happen in terms of bringing in the consumers and manipulating them.

Example: It starts with the annoying fliers. "Sex on the beach", "Candy Shop", and my favorite," $1 per article of clothing" themes on the fliers all with the concept of ladies free til 12. The girls are going to go where that can have a good time for free. . .that attracts the males because they know the dudes are going to go where the mass of females will preside for that night. They will charge the males because they know [Pussy is Power] and dudes value the affection of a woman way higher than women value a mans affection, or at least openly. [First Manipulation]. Whilst standing in line both the males and females are in line anticipating on the chance to touch each other and show off. One problem though: The line is moving soooooo sloooooow! Promoters do this for two reasons. One to conserve some of the AC and room occupancy in the building and two becuase they can are stalling til 12, so they can start charging.

Once 12 does hit, they are charging everybody!!! and everybody WILL pay because the anticipation has built up so much to get in there and join the party. [Second Manipulation]... I'm pretty sure they do a bunch more but I'm new to this clubbing thing and mind you. I'm only 17 so I don't get to see how the bar manipulates its customers.

Clubs make it seem like that 4 hour party/drinking session/smoking session is synonymous to the dream that that culture holds hard to attain. So they think they are living our that dream for 4 hours of a night, whilst taking some of the pressure off themselves from work or what not.

Yesterday I began reading this book titled "All marketers are liars". It isn't pointing fingers like the title sounds like, but it at first sells you a story that you think you are going to capture by giving you a title that misleading. They know most people are nosy and like dirt so they picked a title that would give them that temporary feeling of finding more dirt and debate topics. [got me lol] In actuality, the books talk about how society values "stories" (that are the basically the same as that dream above) that are in correlation to a dream that they would like to attain, temporarily. He used the example of a lady in the shoe store. She tries on that shoe, imagines herself looking exquisite in them and pays $120 for that dream capturing.

With the Party and Shoe scenarios, it brings me back to my sociology class. We've just gotten done talking about the 3 main perspectives of society.

1. Functionalism- Everything plays a role that is equally significant in society. Without one thing, another couldn't function properly. Every small aspect contributes to the bigger picture.
   
   
   
2. Conf;ict Theory- The rich exploit the poor and brainwash them to think that the money they have to offer is better than the goods that are produced. Basically, Capitalism. Karl Marx was the first.
   
   
3. Symbolic Interaction- Society revolves around values. The different values that people hold on the tangibles and intangibles shape the society.
   

. . . .Guess What approach I'm taking on this marketing thing. Marketers know what you value!! So they manipulate your psych and your funds by selling a false representation of the real. The same thing that Facebook users do! Never talk to anyone via internet because they are only giving you the best side of them and not themselves as a whole.

In order to prosper in this highly competitive "dog eat dog" market we reside in , you must determine your values and prioritize them. Know that the mass doesn't have their shit together so the crowd will continue be manipulated. There will be a butt load of times where you will be alone in doing what you need to do. That's fine. Allow me to say that ALL dreams/stories aren't worthy to be attained, but that's up to your intellect and values to decide. You can be fashionable and shop smart ( I love thrift stores!). Do your self and your future the favor of determining whats important to you know and i promise you will be one of the few that aren't manipulated by society.

Here are some pix to one of my parties. It was crazy that night!

This has been a Bean Boy PSA

Lia-Asset?

"When defining your friend circle, you must determine your assets and liabilities."

My pastor caught me with that last Sunday and it got me to thinking. Different friends give different incentives in different situations. I have very smart friends who i would never take to the club. I have skateboard friends who I would never take to a board meeting. I have a "friend" that will never meet my mom and a friend I'm dying to let my mom meet. I have a friend who is very funny but I will never share my insight with them. All these people are great and possess qualities in them that I just don't want to let go.

Hypothetically, I think you should have that one friend that meets all those needs. That person that you can laugh with but also can debate with. That person you can shop with and that person you can party with. That person you can watch a football game with and that person you can go to a concert with. That person....that can satisfy all your needs and uplift you in places where you need it while you do the same inattentively. The determinant factor for that person to be your best friend or your best girlfriend is if you consider sex a "need".

. . . My bestfriend is a female. I LOVE YOU AURY!!!

Minor switch....need advice

Last night was the elections of the Residence Hall Association. I ran for senator of my hall, Graves Hall. My platform was that we cant be satisfied with previos levels of advancement. I told them that every year the next generation of residents should get better; much similar to the innovatioon of the models of cars. I came from a quote repetitively noted by many of Aristotle. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not a mere act, but a habit.".......i challenged my residence hall that we must strive for perpetual development.

. . . . .I won.

The reason I am writing this post is becuase I consistently recieved compliments on my speech and many of the upperclassmen (on SGA) asked me for a copy of my speech. This was WOWING...i was completely tooken aback that this many people respect my word. So Im considering changing my minor from english to communications....good move or pointless?

Thanks Dr. Akbar for the reassurance!

Some odd posts ago, I implied that our society is screwed because of the intransigence of the elder generation. I went on to say that the elder generation typically blames the youth for their disparity of our future. Quite contrarily, its the at the fault of the elders in society. I said that the youth of our society don't know their history so they don't know themselves, and thus look to find themselves in the TV,radio, or streets. These places are already corrupt and they're cultivating their corruption in the implementations of the lifestyles throughout our youth. Yesterday I received confirmation that this insight was not specious, it was actuality.

I attended a lecture by Dr. Na'im Akbar. He is a black psychologist that analyzes the mindsets of African Americans and the way they have transformed through periods of turmoil. Basically, he says that the African American race is not where it should be because we have not seized the "Three Cs".

• Consciousness- Knowing who you are. "Consciousness shifts the paradigm from comparison to confirmation." When you know who you are and where you come from, you stop comparing your excellence to others and use that knowledge as a confirmation that you are the best.
  
  
• Competence- Being able to surpass the levels of mental competition. He said that once you know the ins and outs of your craft then you will be able to manipulate the game in your favor.
  
  
• Courage - You got to have balls to succeed. You have to be able to face a challenge, look it in the face with intravenous effrontery and tell it that you WILL overcome it.
  
  

Na'im Akbar is in fact one of the most informative, influential and intelligent beings Ive ever heard speak. His aura gives off such a reassurance that he has done the proper research in his studies that emanate hegemony. I HIGHLY advise everyone to check out some of his books. Look out for a future post with summary of the key elements of his book "Visions for Black Men".

Frederick Douglass is a F***** G!!!

Okay first off forgive my ignorance. Ive known about Frederick Douglas and his legacy for quite some time....but never really got into the intricate distinction of his struggles until today. While reading the first chapter today, I was glued to the rather well put syntax of his interesting story early on. Whilst reading I recognize just how gangsta he was. Freddy G got his ass whipped contrarily to the regular "tie the slave up and whip them with a leather whip". He fainted while doing feild work, regained his consciousness, and crawled away to hide. His vice-master found him while hiding, asked him what was wrong, kicked him in the side twice, told him to get up, then bust his head open with a gardening tool. Freddy G bled like a river. He decided to file a complaint to the real master so he could be removed from this plantation and moved to another.

He made a long trip with repetivie fainting and sleep breaks. He was fucked up! This 7 mile journey took him 5 hours. When he finally arrived covered in blood from head to toe and his hair clotting up the huge gash in his head, the real master showed a "heart of iron". The real master tried to justify the situation on behalf of the vice-master for some time but soon his heart kicked in and gave him a spot to stay for the night. He woke early that morning, stopped to see a buddy of his and he gave him this lucky "root" that in essence just boosted his head to gain respectowed to himself.

Freddy G soon made his way back to the planation where he was beat and as soon as he got there the vice-president was trying to whip him again. Freddy G ran and hid in the cornfield grass. 2 days later he and the v.m. met agian and the vm ostentatiouly approached Freddy G with the nice guy role. He gave him light orders and left him be.

While knocking out that work the VM tries to sneak Freddy....(O_o)...Freddy G whooped his ass! It started with choking him, then a knee to the balls that had him on the ground crying for help. His help came and was like...nahhhhhhh dog...this fight is yours LMAO! Freddy G proceeded to beat his ass for two more hours and from the next four years on he had nooooooo problems lol....he quoted "The whole six months afterwards, that I spent with Mr. Covey [Vice-Master], he never laid the weight of his finger upon me in anger. He would occasionally say he didnt want to get a hold of me again. 'No,' thought I,"you need not; for you will come off worse that you did before."....THATS GANGSTA EFFRONTERY AT ITS BEST!!!

I NEED HELP!!

In order for you to understand this post not in an ethnocentric (I learned that today) manner, I must tell you my story. As a youngin {lets say 6th grade} I was always the smallest and as a result always felt like I needed to prove myself. I did very well in doing so in the athletic world with this mindset, but in the streets and everyday life, I began to cultivate a corrupt mind. My perspective in life was fuck you if you couldnt beat my ass or if your dick wasnt larger than mines. I got in a buttload of fights (I only lost 1 =D)and gained an enormous amount of respect from my peers. After time passed and I was well respected by my community, I didnt have anything to fight for anymore.

In tenth grade I felt like I had another arena to prove myself; academics. I was always smart but only felt like i had to prove it in the neighborhood, somewhat of a wanna be genius gangsta lol (yayee yayee)..So I in essense turned myself around took advantage of all my opportunities to seek knowledge. I then started gaining respect from my elder generation and inspired my peers and youth. I felt great when I finally started to see improvement in my brother's schoolwork. I noticed It was indirectly becuase of my advancement that he advanced, so this was the fuel behind my academic advancement.

Now im at my dream school, after being rejected and seized the appealing process, and I am diligently working to keep my seat here and not letting the hope of my support systems to fade away. Sooooooooo today I find myself waking up at 3 pm (crazy party last night) and studying from 3:30pm til.......30 minutes ago!! I think this is bittersweet...seeing as though I thoroghly understand wtf is goin on in all my classes now and what will be covered for the week ahead of now. BUT...I know theres a way to be moderately effective in the same way....so blogspot my question to you is....WHAT STUDY TECHNIQUES OR HABITS DO YOU USE THAT ARE TIME SENSITIVE AND HELPS YOU RETAIN INFO EFFECTIVE AS WELL?