Am I Wrong?

Dilemma: I'm sick of church. I've been going to the same church every Sunday since birth. Often times I'd wake up to the sweet scent of my grandmothers cooking and my mother's quarrelsome interrogation of my little brother. It was no paradise but more like a faith's thanatorium: a place where my faith was slowly dying. My grandmother and mother of served as a catalyst to my faith's death as they often threatened me as a child to either "go to church or get out" their house. As time passed I went to church out of routine only to please my grandmother and help her show the little ones that church is the way.

Well now 18 years in the hole I've been diligently and regrettably fighting with myself to leave church for a while and find a religion that's lucrative to my desires. I've been wanting to say something to my pastor and family but I didn't want to hurt them or the progression of the church (cause I am instrumental in the audio ministry). So now this mornig my co-worker in the sound booth tells me of her resignation and I blew up implosively. I know that all the responsibilies will fall upon me and that will require more time, energy, and effort that I'm not motivated enough to produce. I feel that I need to tell them to find a replacement for me now. If I wait then y hole will only dig deeper. However, my only problem with that is I have a notion that quitting is only justified through a contingency. Seth Codin asserts in his book, The Dip, that "proactive quitting is permissable but reactive quitting is intolerable."

This is sinful and cowardly quitting that I'm contemplating but if I don't quit now when will I get a chance to escape?

What would you do?